Discussion:Three condemned to Hell due to Moon's gravity

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Discussion Forum Index --> General Chat --> Three condemned to Hell due to Moon's gravity


Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

31 March 2014
Due to the gravitational pull asserted by the moon upon the earth's surface, three California Christains-to-be were recently condemned to a life in hell (which is actually pretty similar to life on earth so it is not quite as bad as it sounds). The Bible is clear, actual intent is not enough, one must be dunked or sprinkled by the reverential authority to be saved....being swept away by the ocean currents fits no exception of which I am aware. God created the moon, so he created the mess that allowed this to happen, so the only conclusion to be made is that God wanted to send the three to hell. Notwithstanding the above, I'm sure that the minister might be willing to sign something or make some excuse so that they will be saved. Stay tuned.

Let this be a lesson to parents and others of the religiously minded, get baptized in a plastic or fiberglass tank at the church or in front of the washstand that the Roman Catholics keep in the front of the church. There is time for adventure in life, but the baptizism experience is best done inside in relatively safe surroundings.

NMexEA (talk|edits) said:

31 March 2014
Ooh, Gazoo! The lightning you are attracting with a post like that!

Think I'll just stand over here...

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2014
I've got a contraption I wear that keeps me permanently grounded.

All three of the families of the dead (perhaps not dead, but at least "swept away") should have a wrongful death suit filed within the week against the minister, or some kind of big lawsuit of whatever variety the lawyers can think up. I keep a ministerial malpractice policy even though I'm a part-timer in the God game. The minister was grossly negligent in not following the high tides, the shark reports, jellyfish warnings and so on that you run into when you have contact with the ocean.

Spell Czech (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2014
Was it the current, or was it the tide, that swept away the three unfortunates?

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

2 April 2014
That is exactly it, I don't know...it was probably the ebb that did them in, and this illustrates the point that the minister without ocean-knowledge should not baptize by the seashore.

When I was little I spent a lot of time around little ponds (I won't call them lakes) barefoot, fearless, great aggravator of small animals, my being was my meaning and my meaning was my being; in short, I was at one with nature. Later on I became more of an egghead (though SC would say an ungrammatical egghead) and I forgot most of the nature knowledge I acquired as a child.

As I said above, for the most part, I confine my baptisms to artificial environments (the more artificial the better). There was one time I made an exception: I had a bumper crop of teenagers and unwed mothers who were on fire with the spirit and wanted to get washed clean of their sins and become saved. A short talk with a local carwash owner and the passing of $50 from me to him allowed all thirty-two of my new Christains to run through the carwash and be baptized after I pronounced the holy words over them.

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

2 April 2014
Oh, and one other point for those who read their Bible. I will think of the three souls above as "swept away" rather than dead...for they could have been swepted into the belly of God's whale and they will one day spit out into a fancy hotel lobby in downtown LA and find a heavy-laden table set up for them containing ever delicacy, gratis of God.

Nilodop (talk|edits) said:

2 April 2014
When I have a down day (rare, I might add), I love to read any post by Gazoo. Smiles ensue.

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

2 April 2014
It's the world that gives me the stories, and I can't help but comment on them. Today I saw a story which said that too much running tends to shorten one's life. H*ll, we've known that for years. My motto is never run when you can walk, and never walk when you can lay down. The only time I run is when I see a tornado or my sister-in-law coming round the bend, and even then I won't run too far; just far enough to find a hiding place.

As far as running goes, it would be the same if you lifted a car off the street 6 inches or so and repeatedly dropped it to the ground....obviously the struts and nuts and everthing else would get loose over time, shortening the life expectancy of the automobile.

NMexEA (talk|edits) said:

2 April 2014
Could conceivably have been Jews swept away. The cult of the mikvah is fundamental to Orthodoxy as in "Can't reproduce without it." But any natural body of water will suffice such as a lake, bay or sound.

Swimming pools really aren't kosher.

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2014
I once had a Rabbi tell me (a drinking companion of mine who only bought drinks while I drank them, I never was able to get a Jew drunk; they are, for the most part, unalterably undrunkable) that a pool is Kosher only if all the men in it are circumcized, and all the women are not preparing to fructify.

He tried to tell me that they had a pool next to their church where the women who were fructifying could swim and carry on. This was a Reform Rabbi and a freethinker so I didn't know if I could trust his opinion on such matters or not.

The older I get and the more I understand (mind you: really understand) about the public pool, or the public anything, the more willing I am to condemn it all. Yes, we should be public minded and members in good standing of the local Polis (and tolerant and mindful of all duties attendant thereto), however, we should never be "public", we should instead distain (and disdain) the public.

If I were King, I would revive the glove trade, and only approach the public while wearing fine, grey, kidskin gloves, and even then my approach would be cautious.

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