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Discussion:Dear Client 2013

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Discussion Forum Index --> General Chat --> Dear Client 2013


Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

23 January 2013
Dear Client,

I don't mind answering your questions as they relate to you, my tax client. I can tell you what it means when someone gives you cash and how it doesn't make additional taxable income.

What I cannot tell you is how this affects your sister who handled the affairs of your mother who passed away. You say everything was put in your sister's name years ago and your nephew lived in your mom's house for a few years while she was in a home and that he bought it a few years ago.

I cannot tell you how those things affect their taxes. There might be a taxable transaction, might not. If you want them to call me and pay me to look at and research, then fine. As I told you on the phone, we can have this round and round discussion for an hour. You have no taxable effect based on what you just told me, if facts are different from what you told me, my answer will be different, maybe.

Dear client, if your sister wants answers, have her call me, but, I am sure she has her own accountant and the lawyer who did the title transfer for the home sold. She can ask them for free advice.

STG (talk|edits) said:

23 January 2013
Dear Client,

I love your kids. Please bring them to the office with you. Please make sure they are either shrieking or playing with my computer cables at all times.

Joan TB (talk|edits) said:

23 January 2013
So glad someone started this for 2013.... it has been a wonderful "comedy sketch" in years past and always my favorite "go to" discussion when I need a break!

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

23 January 2013
I am to please. lol

Storm155 (talk|edits) said:

23 January 2013
Note to self, when you pull into the office for the day and AC/DC Highway to H#ll is on the radio, TURN AROUND AND RUN. From the bank wanting a comfort letter that the client's SE income will continue into the future, to getting chewed out for not being able to read their writing and thus completing the 1099-Misc with the wrong spelling, to buying a personal vehicle in your corporation when I told you no while you were at the dealership. Clients make life interesting to say the least. It's after 5:30, time to turn off the phones, turn on some tunes and push papers.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

24 January 2013
Dear Client -

When I ask you to send me the W-2s and W-3 in order to prepare the corporation tax return, I don't accept the automated payroll service provider's explanation that "a W-3 is not necessary because the W-2s were not paper prepared."

While you did provide me with control numbers that I need on a summary schedule, and I can self-prepare a W-3 with that information - it simply is not true. I can accept the reasoning that the software program used by the service provider, in e-filing the W-2s may not automatically generate a W-3 automatically as it may be in the system to generate the data to SSA - but there is no such thing as not being able to produce a W-3 once the W-2 data has been prepared.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

24 January 2013
I'm glad this has started too. If Fred hadn't started it I was going to because I just have to respond to an e-mail and I really don't want to be nice or diplomatic.

Dear Client,

I prepare hundreds of 1099's every year for a multitude of clients. I use a software program that retains prior year information regarding prepared 1099's and carries that information forward. I do not, however, have the ability to retain information from prior years on your vendors who did not qualify to have one issued. I checked the phone book listing and I Googled your vendor before adding him to the list of ID numbers required. In none of the easy and obvious places to look do the three little letters INC appear. So I'm sorry that you have to take a moment to "remind me again" that that particular vendor is a corporation, I'm obligated to ask since I have no information indicating his entity status or tax ID # that is easily available. Perhaps when you write your next check to him, you can add INC after his name. Gee, there's a revelation.

Taocpa (talk|edits) said:

2013-01-24
Dear Client,

I understand you want to go elsewhere due to the distance between your home and my office. I might point out there is no need to continue to send me reminder e-mails every day that you wish your files transferred to someone else.

I will send you the information soon. You can hand the other individual copies I give you.

Three e-mails today is testing my patience. Please stop annoying me.

Tom

Szptax (talk|edits) said:

25 January 2013
The deadline to prepare 1099s has been the same for at least the last 10 years since I have been assisting in their preparation. I understand that you have a new system and can now prepare them yourself. I applaud your self-sufficiency and cost-cutting measures. What this means is I am no longer responsible for their preparation that includes answering questions about what goes where, how many copies to send, etc. And, I have no idea why one of your vendors is "missing a number".

Natalie (talk|edits) said:

January 25, 2013
" . . . obvious places to look do the three little letters INC appear . . . " Have you used the DCCA website, Paula? Not all corporations have "Inc." in their names. The other place I sometimes check is the state tax website.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

25 January 2013
I have used the DCCA in the past, but when I'm doing a list for 1099's it can sometimes take more time and I really think the client's responsibility is to tell me if one of their potential recipients is a corp or not. I can't research every potential recipient for each client. Obviously, my client knows the status and can simply say "They are a corp". He didn't need to be a twit about it.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

27 January 2013
Dear Client's Bookkeeper -

I know you continuously wish to impress me with your income tax knowledge. You happen to do a fine job of the bookkeeping process and I can follow your work very well. And after a number of years you know exactly what I need in the way of details and documentation - to support the additions to fixed assets. Yes - it is true that you're able to fully depreciate assets in one year - it's called Section 179 depreciation, and you're familiar with the fact that there are dollar limits per year. I found it very interesting to find in going through your Quickbooks general ledger detail, that you put the cost of purchasing a luxury automobile in auto expense rather than posting it to a fixed asset account where it belongs, and didn't leave it to me, as I usually do, to prepare a depreciation entry for the auto purchase cost. Please be aware that there are annual threshhold limits for expensing depreciable fixed assets based on other factors and you don't automatically get 100% expense deduction.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

28 January 2013
Dear Client, The 1099 arguments are really old now. Hawaii has been part of the United States for a long time now. We do "do it like that" even in Hawaii. If you paid someone greater than $600 and they helped make your business work better in some way, you need to send that person a 1099. I didn't make the law, you might think it's a silly law, and if you do, take it up with your representatives in Washington. It's not such a bad thing to do and it doesn't cost you, you just have to complete the forms and everyone's happy. The other guy has to report his/her income in any event. So just stop arguing.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

28 January 2013
Dear Client, Yes, you have to issue a 1099 to me. It would be nice if you didn't wait until February/March to give me 12 months of bookkeeping to do. The schedule C specifically asks if you have to issue 1099s and if you did or plan to do.

Tax Writer (talk|edits) said:

28 January 2013
Dear long-time church client!

I understand you have a new secretary, and she is extremely rude and pushy. Does she realize how much free work you get out of our office? Dozens of rude phone calls from her later, I've decided to fire you. You shopped around and crapped your pants when you found out how much it would cost for someone to do your payroll, bookkeeping, and answer all your endless questions 50 times a month. Now you are desperately trying to come back to our office. I got the flowers, thanks. Still not taking your calls though.

STG (talk|edits) said:

29 January 2013
Dear Client: You owed $10000 last year. You took none of my advice. Guess what?

JAD (talk|edits) said:

29 January 2013
Yeah, that church thing is tough. Same with the neighbors. So far I have succeeded in not taking on anyone from those groups, and I think I've done it in a way that has not offended anyone. Too sticky if things go south.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

29 January 2013
Just got a call from a potential client needing an audit. Small nonprofit. I give discount, but still gotta make it profitable.

CrowJD (talk|edits) said:

30 January 2013
"church client!"

Good riddance. Glory to God! The low life in America has seen how the hillbillies and the con artists carry on on TBN and the other religious TV programs, and they've made "religion" their home. The worst of the lot sits in the churches today, and 9 out of 10 times the devil presides at the pulpit. (This comment does not apply to anyone on our forum, just to all the other people in America.)

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

31 January 2013
Dear Client,

Every year, you leave me a message whining about what I charged you last year and ask what I'm going to charge this year. Last year, I charged you $85 for 1040A, IL1040, and efile. Pretty darn reasonable if you ask me.

I'm not returning your call. I don't care if you go elsewhere, I'm tired of your whining.

Smokeytax (talk|edits) said:

31 January 2013
Dear Client,

Thanks for finding time to stop by last night to give me the figures for your 941, which is due today. I know how busy you must be, judging from how long it takes you to pay my bills.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

1 February 2013
Dear Client -

I realize you've been a loyal client for a number of years. The item that holds your tax return up for preparing are the K-1s from the limited partnership in which both you and your wife have separate interests. You obviously are aware of that. And you have never in the past questioned what I charge you for the preparation. Last year however, if you recall, I had just finished off preparing your tax return before printing it when I discovered that the last item you gave me was not a 1099-R for your wife's required IRA distribution - it was a form telling you what the value of the account was at the end of 2011. So I had to hold up processing your return until your wife contacted the custodian of the account for the 2011 distribution that was not taken, in which there's a penalty if it was not corrected. So that held up the return for two weeks because she was reluctant to call them, after which you were told it was your wife who instructed them to not take a distribution because she felt she could skip a year. That was permissable only for 1 year (2009 return) in which IRS relieved the mandatory RMD. It wasn't true after that. So even though in 2012 she took a distribution (for 2012), she was also required to take one for the shortage of 2011 - otherwise I was not able to prepare the penalty abatement form. That's why I had to charge you an additional fee. And if you had questions about the fee, you should have spoken to me and discussed it then. Not call me in January questioning why my bill was increased.

Waynecpa (talk|edits) said:

4 February 2013
Dear Client -

Thanks for mailing your 2012 bank statements and receipts from Hawaii - we will go through them and do all your bookkeeping as we always do. However, I can't read your mind - can you send me a check register also? We have the 1099 discussion every year and I know they are going to be late once again since I just received your info on 2/1.

Joanmcq (talk|edits) said:

5 February 2013
Dear client, I know you are broke, but since you decided to see if HRB could do your return for $40 on Sunday, 14 other returns came in. I'll get to it as quickly as I can.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

5 February 2013
Dear Client/Friend, I understand that you asked me to do your return this year because it already got kicked back from your DIY software. I understand you put in the wrong EIN number for your girlfriends employer. That is because you guessed and you were using a pay stub instead of the W-2.

I appreciate your business, and without knowing what you entered on your software, I don't know why your refund generated seems more than mine. File yours, I don't care, but, while I discount your returns, fixing your errors are at full rate.

Sign my e-file authorization, or not. I don't care, just stop texting me every hour asking me more questions.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

6 February 2013
Dear Maybe Former Client,

You are perilously close to having your fee doubled. 3 years ago I wound up loaning you money to go to Florida because your refund was delayed by the IRS, yet you booked your trip for Florida a mere 14 days after your tax appointment.

Then, the next year you come in sobbing again because the IRS delayed things.

This year, you have the nerve to complain and bit$h to me about it again as if it is my fault. I am sorry your refund full of free taxpayer money won't be here in time to allow you to shop Walmarts baby sale.

On second thought, yeah, your fee for next year just went up.

Mhewes (talk|edits) said:

7 February 2013
Dear Client,

Please stop telling me about your unreported income, and that you don't have receipts for donations, and that you have no mileage log, and how much the family loved the business retreat, and how the economy is killing you, and I don't care if you need a couple of 1099 forms, go to Staples!

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

20 February 2013
Dear Client Pension Custodian -

When a client who is age 77 rolls over 100% of the funds in your account in a trustee-to trustee transfer but is required to take a RMD each year, please report the 2 transactions separately, only taxing the RMD and take withholding tax out only on the RMD. Don't prepare the 1099-R with Total and Taxable distribution being the total rollover, but withholding 20% Federal income tax on the Total Distribution and transferring in to the new custodian only the net difference of the Total Distribution less FWT less the RMD.

SoSayWeAll (talk|edits) said:

20 February 2013
Dear clients,

Please stop complaining.

Tonymontana (talk|edits) said:

20 February 2013
Dear Dumbass,

No, I don't know if the IRS will question your fake made up numbers. Just give me the real ones.

No, I don't care if your former tax guy did it that way. Just go back to him.

No, I can't just put enough information on your return so that you don't have to pay but you also want to be sure you won't be audited. If I could predict that, I'd be filthy rich and you wouldn't be able to afford me.

Tax Writer (talk|edits) said:

20 February 2013
Hi Client! You've come in again with another notice from the city. This time, it's for a business license tax. Let me explain something... again. Just because you get a piece of paper on it that says "tax" anywhere on the paper, doesn't mean it's from the IRS or from the FTB. The last one was a late fee for a parking ticket. The one before that was something else, but not from the IRS or the FTB. I don't deal with sales tax, parking fines, and I'm not going to fill out your business license tax paperwork. Your $100 fee that you paid for your Form 1040A is really, seriously, not worth this. Please stop.

Captcook (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
Dear client bookkeeper who talks WAY too loud on the phone,

When I call with a question about something I noticed in your GL, I am not trying to make a statement about your competence. I just want the answer. There is no need to continuously interrupt me with backstory about how things were a mess when you took on the client and how you've been cleaning things up for the last eight months. I. DON'T. CARE...REALLY. If you would shut up and listen for 2 minutes, I could explain how to fix it and I could go back to answering the other 15 phone calls and emails I have to return.

If I have another five minute phone conversation with you that takes 25 minutes, I will come down there and punch you in the face...REALLY.

MarkFank (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
Dear client,

Please do not text me any questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Also, sending me 14 texts which include photos of your W2s, interest statements and all of your tax documents is not acceptable unless you want to pay a $20 per document conversion charge. You would be better off saving the money and buy a scanner. On second thought, don't email me the photos of your tax documents either, they rarely print well and are even worse when I scan them.

Death&Taxes (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
Hi mystery client:

I'd like to work on the information you faxed me, but next time put the paper in right side up.

I have six blank pages; I asked the machine for a report of who sent it, but I have no idea whose phone number it is.

Tonymontana (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
D&T. Your mystery client gets the "Dumbass" of the day award. LOL. Congratulate them if you ever find out who it is.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
D&T, all you need to do is turn the paper to the other side! Don't you know anything?

"Shoebox" (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
This forum needs a "like" button like "The Facebook" as my elderly clients call it.

EatonCPA (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
Your elderly clients are just showing how hip they really are - Mark Zuckerberg originally called it The Facebook too.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
I like "The Dumbass of the Day" award. I vote we start a new thread and call it that. I would do it, but today I don't have anyone I can put in there. David's Dumbass client might be a good starter. Someone, please start that one, it would add a little more humor to this tax season - and believe me, so far it can use some humor.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

21 February 2013
Dear Client, I know you're refund is $6,000 dollars less than last year, but last year you actually worked and you received the max EIC,this year you were on Unemployment the entire year and only had earned income of $300. No EIC or Child Tax Credit this year. Sorry, no, my fee is still the same as last year, it is not based on your refund, it is based on the fee.

Thank you.

Mmanningacc (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Dear Client,

I'm sorry you lost most of your business receipts again this year. No, I can't do anything about it. Perhaps you should use the organizers I supplied you with. You don't even have to use the labled dividers, just throw them all in there and give me the whole thing. No? OK, I guess we will have this conversation again next year and you will once again lose out on deducting those expenses.

Joan TB (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Dear Person Who Called for an Estimate:
 First you tell me your return is simple (just W-2's and Schedule A).  Then you tell me you divorced your wife in 2012, but y'all are living together again.  And her child is living with you.  And no, you can't file MFJ if you are not married.  I don't know if you can claim "your ex-wife who now lives with you again" as a dependent until I know more information.  I don't know if you can claim "your former step-daughter who now lives with you again" as a dependent until I know more information. And I don't know if your withdrawal from your retirement plan "to pay off your ex-wife" will be taxable or not until I know if it was pursuant to a QDRO.  Probably is taxable - since you say you just took it out and gave it to her.  And yes, the 10% penalty is on top of the tax on the withdrawal.  My estimate of $500 is because I still get the feeling you are not telling me everything.  Please don't call me back.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
I am retired, so I don't have the "pleasure" of getting these in real life. Thus, it is really great entertainment for me to read this stuff.

Some of the posts, though, cause me to offer up this comment. There are people (I know several) who just are not oriented to the detail we need as preparers/advisers. They are not bad people, not even dumb people. They may be outstanding in medicine, literature, teaching, whatever. To me, they'd continue to be clients, but they'd have to pay according to the time I spend and the value I create.

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
@MMann: I'm sorry you lost most of your business receipts again this year.

I love it. What does he do, open the windows to his truck, drive down the highway and lose them? Hilarious.

Mmanningacc (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Gazoo, you are so close. This year she (wait for it)...lost a purse with a bunch of receipts in it. Keep in mind, this person is a professional. She is a great person, just not very organized. I keep her on because she pays me well for my time and doesn't argue with me. Sometimes though, I wonder if that is enough...

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Mercy.

Captcook (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
D&T, all you need to do is turn the paper to the other side! Don't you know anything?

I'm filing this under my professional development for the day.

Smokeytax (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Podolin - I agree - I swear some of my clients, although smart and successful, have ADD.

So, it works out just fine that I charge them more than normal because of the extra work involved dealing with them.

Jrochestercpa (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Podolin............I am trying to work with one of those people you described. Their occupation....................tax attorney.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
No shock there, Jrochestercpa. I've known some of those myself. Betcha he/she entered law school with a liberal arts degree, not a business degree.

Death&Taxes (talk|edits) said:

22 February 2013
Read about my lawyer in Dumbass of the Day.

MarkFank (talk|edits) said:

23 February 2013
Dear client, which response do you want?

Mark,

Hope you are well!

I would appreciate getting your expert advise on whether there are any tax implications about which I need to be aware for an amendment to my stock agreement with my employer (dealing with both ISOs and non-qualified stock options). Is there a way we could tackle my question without tallying much of your time? We've had a very expensive past several months, so sorry to be a tightwad....

What I wanted to say: "You lack skills as a writer, your sales pitch is unpolished, you aren't sorry, and what is the question?" What I did day: My consultation rate is $150/hr with a 1 hour minimum. I'd be happy to meet next week to discuss....

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

23 February 2013
Dear Client,

When my staff ask you "to what is your call in regards to?", we understand it is about taxes. Everyone calls and everyone wants to access me immediately, it does not work that way. So that we may maximize our efficiency and keep our costs down, staff are instructed to find out a little more about what you want from me as many of them can probably answer your questions for you.

Rather than have them take a message, I did allow you to get through to see what it was you wanted. I understand my predecessor went through or gave the appearance of going through your receipts that back up the 6 lines used on your schedule E. As I told you, I take you for a sharp cookie, you're not stupid, you're just annoying.

Per our conversation, you said you know how to add and that when predecessor went through them for the past 20 years, not once did he make changes. And you still want me to go through them. I have no problem with that, I'd be happy to go over them with you, but that will result in a fee increase. The $125 we've always charged you, my bad $135 this year, should have been $225 but because I was nice, I allowed that fee to continue. Don't tell me it's about the fees like it's a bad thing. It is about the fees, that's how I feed my family. And your fee is $100 less than what it should be.

I'm sorry <well, not really> that you're used to the old way, but this is how it is, get used to it, or go elsewhere.

EatonCPA (talk|edits) said:

25 February 2013
Dear Client,

You both began and ended your business in 2012 and your travel expenses to Mexico to "explore new flavors and recipes for our business," which occurred less than a month before you ceased operations, are higher than your total gross income. So yes, we do in fact have a problem and no, no one in this office is going to sign this return as things currently stand.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

9 March 2013
Dear Client -

Please - when you come to bring your tax information next year - remember to go over your tax return from last year to see what is needed to bring. It would also be helpful to read the various tax documents and understand what's contained on them. Don't come to me with all of your itemized deductions reconciled and documented to the penny, and then show me a brokerage account that has a security sale with no cost basis, a missing K-1 from a publicly traded partnership investment you know nothing about that your broker purchased for you, the SSA-1099 missing but bring the information form regarding your next year's monthly benefits - and on top of it - come on a day when I have the busiest traffic in my office due to a planned next day snow storm. I realize you're close to age 85 and live by yourself - but my time is valuable to me this time of year.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

9 March 2013
Dear Client,

There were only two pages in your FAX that weren't signed (the 8879 and the IL8453). You didn't need to FAX EVERYTHING again. Think Green.

Dear Clients (parents of client above),

Every year, we (hubby and I) literally beg you to change your with holdings. Your income is TOO HIGH to claim married 2, especially since your wife's income almost doubled. Stop complaining about owing tax. Listen to us and next year, you could actually get a refund.

Anarchrist (talk|edits) said:

9 March 2013
Refunds are bad tax planning.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

10 March 2013
So is paying penalties and interest for under withholding. Also, IME, most clients are ticked if they don't get a refund.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

10 March 2013
Dear Client -

You came to me for the first time this year because you wished to change preparers, as your S corp will be filing a "final" return and you had a situation where you got married this year to a foreign person who does not have as of yet an ITIN number, let alone a Social Security number. In order for you to apply for the ITIN, as you were advised by the Federal government, you needed a copy of your 2012 tax return completed even if the Soc Sec space says "applied for". In order to get your 1040 done, I needed the corporation return done first. Working under pressure because of your time constraints, you asked that I prepare the returns ASAP. So I did that. After I get finished with the returns, all printed and instruction sheeted, you don't provide me at the time I need your signatures on e-file and engagement letters, show me a new form signed by the place you donated your car to, where they deleted x in the box for the maximum $ 500 FMV for your car donation, where their selling price was $ 1,300, and also expect me to advise you who to call regarding the state return for paper filing with your wife's ITIN once you get it. Also - a post dated check until you receive your next check is also quite rude.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

10 March 2013
Uncle, your client may have won the prize!

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

15 March 2013
Dear Client -

You have been my client for nearly 40 years now and you call me every December to look over your investment income and other taxable income to see that your estimates are in line so you don't pay underpayment penalties. This past December was no exception. Why then, when I came this past December you didn't mention to me that you just worked out with your stock broker to set up trusts for about $ 2 million of your exempt securities and transfer them into a joint account for your 2 children (one who lives in GA, the other in FLA) because you were concerned about the $ 1 million limitation of estate transfers - before Congress reinstated the $ 5 million? Yes - they were triple tax free to you because you're a NYS resident - but your daughter in Georgia is certainly going to be paying taxes on the earnings on these investments. And you only brought it to my attention the first week of February when you were sent a notice from a law firm advising you to file a gift tax return. You're meticulous and careful about all other aspects of your tax matters - but when a material matter came along - you didn't even think of consulting me. While it's true that your broker should have suggested you call me to discuss it before doing it - not doing it right is worse than not doing it at all.

JAD (talk|edits) said:

15 March 2013
Dear Client,

I am happy to make you a cup of coffee. But I can't believe that when you loaded it up with sugar, you put the spoon back into the sugar bowl after you had stirred your coffee with it. Really? Do we all want clumpy, coffee tasting sugar? Did your mom teach you any manners at all?

xoxoxxo

Laticiaw (talk|edits) said:

18 March 2013
Dear Wal-Mart Cashier:

I did not prepare your taxes this year. I don't know why you haven't recieved your refund. My best guess is that since you were talking about filing HOH with one child and having your husband file HOH with the other child because your weren't married until late in the year may have something to do with it. However, since I didn't prepare the returns (and I would not have prepared them that way) I have no clue. I suggest you call your shoebox tax preparer and ask THEM why you haven't gotten it yet...

Deback (talk|edits) said:

March 19, 2013
Dear Clients,

Please don't come to my office at 10 minutes to 11:00 am (when I open my office) on a Monday morning and expect me to be wide awake and greet you cheerfully, when I still have to get ice and pour my green juice into my glass, open the mail, e-file some returns, get ackfiles from the day before, turn on the TV, take some hits from my e-cigarette to help me wake up, and sit there for a few minutes messing around on a tax forum before I'm ready to start work, especially when I didn't get enough sleep on my second day off since January 16th!

This morning was my worst morning of this tax season, when I had non-stop traffic coming into my office from 10:50 am to noon -- and at this time, I'm much further behind than normal, due to stockbrokers finally getting 1099 forms sent out, instead of sending them around the first of February.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

19 March 2013
Dear Retired Clients:

Why is it that my Saturday (and Sunday) phone calls are all from retirees? And when I return your calls you are 'too busy' to talk to me? Please wait until during the week so I can let the clients who can't get off work or call from work use Saturdays to contact me.

"Shoebox" (talk|edits) said:

19 March 2013
Dear retired client,

Please understand that I will not meet you on a Saturday at 8 am. I enjoy my sleep more than your tirades against the Income Tax System.

Captcook (talk|edits) said:

19 March 2013
Dear Client,

I'm sorry I ruined your rant about "I'm still steamed I pay a higher rate than Romney", when I pointed out your effective tax rate is below 10%. I know you can't be bothered with facts when there are "fat cats" to bash. I'm also sorry I missed out on hearing another 5 minutes of your regurgitating the talking points clearly articulating your ignorance of how the US tax system works. I apologize again for bringing this up. I'd hate for reality to ruin the victim fantasy world you have created for yourself.

Jesella (talk|edits) said:

20 March 2013
Dear Client,

When I say you can come in to pick up your return at 8:30 (and take the time to write it on the back of my card), I really do mean 8:30. Buzzing the door (which calls my cell) at 8:00 when I'm trying to get my daughter out the door to school is a sure-fire way to be greeted by a grouchy tax pro. Trying to negotiate the fee down when I worked until 10 last night wading through the disaster left by your previous tax guy will also not improve my mood.

I hate Mondays. Oh, wait, it's Wednesday.

Sumwun (talk|edits) said:

21 March 2013
Dear Client (who loves to find ways around the rules),

I was momentarily taken aback when I saw a letter addressed to you and signed by you. I am pleased, and relieved, to note that the letter meets all the requirements of section 170, especially as the donation had several zeroes to the left of the decimal point.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

24 March 2013
Dear Client,

I need to know what you are spending $5300 on when repairing a really old truck. You bought a brand new truck last year because the old one was in such bad shape that your health was becoming an issue. Now you tell me that you still use the old truck in your business - when? why? Yes, I want to see the receipts for the repairs. Right now it's not making a lot of sense why an intelligent person would put that much money into a broken down, old vehicle. You may not keep track or want to, but I do want to keep track and I want to see the receipts. It's really not that hard, just stick them in the FAX machine and send them over. Humor me.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

25 March 2013
Dear Client,

You called me at about 12:30pm and said your husband was dropping off stuff in about 30 minutes. Nothing. Then at 9pm, while the family is asleep, and most of the lights in the house are off, you ring my doorbell as if my house is on fire. Why? To drop off your envelope (when you could have put it between the doors). I see you left a message at 8:45 (saying you would leave it between the doors). Why didn't you just leave it?

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

25 March 2013
Dear Client-

I've been your preparer for over 30 years, and yes - you come late every year because you just put off what you don't like to do. But I was quite surprised to hear from an attorney without you calling me first - to inform me that your deceased brother-in-law's house was finally sold after two years at a at a substantial loss - and an estate 1041 needed to be filed to report the loss in 2012 - the final year - with 3 beneficiaries - you, your wife, and your wife's niece. You clock every penny you spend for charitable contributions, and mileage for volunteer exempt work, remind me 3 times about a state credit - but deathly afraid of having to report the loss from the estate on your return, and are reluctant to even file the 1041 because you're afraid of being audited. I just need your niece's Social Security Number to prepare the 1041 - you brought the envelope from the attorney with all the details I need except that. (And the attorney had the wrong zip code on the envelope had he mailed it).

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

28 March 2013
This is just for a giggle, so guys don't get upset. I re-read my contentious client's e-mail later in the day and one line really bothered me. During the night I came up with a great response to that line, I'll share it here, but not with the client, although I'd like to. Also, I'm being tactful, fill in the critical body part with whatever works.

Dear Client,

Changing body parts or adding a new one, in addition to adding CPA to the name, is not going to change the tax laws. They are the same for everybody and all tax preparers, CPA's, EA's, RTRP's, male, female, it doesn't matter, are obligated to follow them as prescribed by law.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2013
Dear Client,

It was an absolute pleasure meeting you today. I always enjoy meeting new clients and I understand you came to me after your previous accountant moved away. She was pretty good at what she did too, sorry bout that. Her loss, my gain.

Now, she moved away last year, so you got lucky and got referred to that other guy who has his ad running on TV telling you he can print your check right there. Luckily, again, for me, you felt awkward when you went there and you've decided to try a little closer to home and here you are. Ok, let's go over your tax return.

Yes, I can see why you are concerned, even though he got you a $10,000 refund when you usually owe, there are some oddity's here. Let's take a look at your deductions, your husband is a police officer. He spent $1,600 on new uniforms? Oh, that's what he gets added to his check. Did he buy them though. How about you, how much did you spend on uniforms? You are self employed and you work in various schools? Well, he has uniforms down as a deduction for you. Interesting. Oh, wait, look, dry cleaning as well.

Yes, you were smart to switch, your last preparer before him did things the right way, as we will here. I am sorry about your casualty loss, and yes, we can review the 2nd house you had that he didn't include, we'll look at that after we get this return done. I am sorry you lost all that in the floods. Must have drained your accounts fixing it up. What, you received $110,000 in insurance proceeds. Helloooooo, none shown on the return. Did you tell him? You gave him a copy of the insurance settlement you say? Oh no.

Dear client, I regret to inform you that you might owe the IRS abut $20,000 for last year because of this schmuck. this attorney/accountant schmuck. Now, when I call him to ask about whether he discussed the NOL and the carryback with you, I'll let him know he's a schmuck since he gave you no schedules whatsoever.

I don't like schmucks.

Wiles (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2013
Dear Client,

I wanted to follow up with you from our meeting in January. You said that you were upset with the service of your prior CPA and that you had received strong referrals to me by two separate acquaintances. I think we had a good meeting. You described what your needs were and I described what our services were, and it seemed to be a good match.

I do remember pointing out to you that your prior CPA had been claiming real estate professional on your rental property. I explained how neither of you would meet the > 50% test since you both have full time jobs in high-tech. And, in addition, you both admitted that you came no where close to spending more than 500 hours or more time than the property manager on your property. You seemed very concerned when you left my office and you were going to give your prior CPA a call to find out why he would take this $18K loss deduction on your return.

Like I said, I just wanted to follow up with you. I thought we had a great meeting and I am sure you are no longer using your prior CPA. Please let me know if you would still like for me to prepare your 2012 tax return.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2013
Ummmm yeah, what part of that call to their previous dishonest preparer didn't go like this -

"You can take what that guy Wiles says and prepare the return truthfully, or you can file my way, as the chances of them catching you are virtually nil. Plus, if they find out, we'll claim there was a miscommunication and we're sorry"

Hmmmm, wondering if that previous accountant and mine are the same people.

Come on man, I know I play in the gray, but that kind of stuff is outright fraudulent.

Wiles (talk|edits) said:

1 April 2013
The prior CPA even amended 2010 & 2009 to add real estate professional to the previously filed return. Come on IRS!!! Get a grip! How hard can it be to grab such low hanging fruit? Who writes the code for the diff score at the IRS?

Come on man, I know I play in the gray, but that kind of stuff is outright fraudulent.

Exactly! If this is what I gotta do to keep my clients happy, then no thanks!

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

3 April 2013
Dear Payroll Leasing Company:

Our mutual client needs to have the W-2 amended, the one you prepared for 2012 because we need to have S-Corp Medical included on the W-2. It's not my concern that it's a difficult task for you to complete, and I don't think IRS cares too much either, they will lose a deduction valued at about $12,000 if it's not done. I read the paragraph to you from the IRS Notice 2008-1 which clearly states it has to be on the W-2, couldn't be simpler because it even uses the term "must report on the shareholder's W-2", no fancy language there. You're not a CPA, you say, but you know other people who have been able to take the deduction for S Corp Med? Really, how? Oh, wait, that's right this is "Someone I Know". I wish that person lived in my office, he/she could solve so many problems.

Captcook (talk|edits) said:

3 April 2013
Paula, it has become almost standard practice at our firm to amend W-2s for this item. At this point, we don't even bother asking anymore for some clients. Sad, but true.

I've also been able to get at least three payroll clients because of this dynamic alone.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

3 April 2013
The problem with my amending this W-2 is the leasing factor. I did that with a client last year, the leasing company wouldn't amend the W-2 so we did it ourselves. It didn't turn out all that great. The leasing company felt we were committing fraud because the client signed the paperwork which really needed to be signed by someone at the leasing company and they were all cranky and blustery about it. I don't have a problem correcting the client's W-2's when they are using their own Tax ID number, but this puts a different slant on it. I'm really hoping they come through with the correction. It's been a problem in the past. I think my next employee might just be Someone I Know.

Taocpa (talk|edits) said:

2013-04-04
Dear Client,

After finishing your return, with substantial refunds for you, you indicated you wanted to mail it in. I was curious, asked why, and you told me because your astrological charts indicated that you should mail it when a "void-of-course" moon occurs. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

I realize you are a very intelligent individual, a full professor teaching at a major university, and yet your refund will take longer because your astrological charts and astrologer tell you it's not the right time? Sounds like a bunch of b.s. to me, but hey, whatever blows your dress up.

Tom

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

4 April 2013
Dear Client,

I know you're a new client and you've called every day this week. I do apologize for not being able to meet with you two weeks ago and thank you for dropping off the taxes and agreeing to do the interview over the phone later once we started. I know you are upset over the fact that my staff haven't been telling you the status. The simple fact is, that with 700 or so returns, every other year or so, someone's information gets misplaced for a week or so until it miraculously pops up once we are at our wits end. This is what happened to you.

Wait, who said what when you dropped it off. Pat said it would be a few days? Pat, Pat who? That Pat hasn't worked here since 2006. So sir, thank you for having my girls look feverishly for information that was never here to begin with.

Sumwun (talk|edits) said:

4 April 2013
Tom, void-of-course moons are real, if one believes that the position of the moon in the sky (from the viewer's perspective) as it relates to stars which have no relationship with one another can actually affect ones life. In fact, there is a chart defining when they occur. It is available at http://www.astroprofile.com/2013moonvoid.htm. A look at those tables will tell you that any tax preparer will have some very unusual sleep patterns. We can also rest assured that we can switch off our computers and go home on the 15th at 3:41pm, there being no point in remaining open for business until the next morning.

Fred, that was hilarious. Puts me in mind of the client who got a payment reminder from my boss, some months after tax season had ended. He called up and said that he distinctly remembered phoning in so we could take a credit card payment over the phone. I barely managed to keep a straight face as I told him we do not take credit cards.

Barbcolorado (talk|edits) said:

4 April 2013
Dear Client,

I understand that you decided to do your own tax return this year because is "really is easy" and you did not want to have to pay me. I'm sorry if I sounded a little short on the phone just now ( 11 days until deadline) when you called me to ask a few 'quick,easy' questions... I hope that the links I gave you to the state website and to the IRS website helps you with those quick, easy questions...

EatonCPA (talk|edits) said:

5 April 2013
Dear Client,

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps if you called just a wee bit less often, I'd get done just a wee bit faster?

Wiles (talk|edits) said:

6 April 2013
Dear Client,

Please review your Federal and State Individual Income Tax returns. Please sign and date the the enclosed Form 8879 and return to our office immediately so that we can process your returns electronically.

By the way, I am just kidding when I say that you should review your return...I mean, I am just kidding about that...No, I'm not...What?

Ingo (talk|edits) said:

7 April 2013
Dear Client:

Unfortunately we has this "personal relationship" (a friend 5 times removed) where you think "I should treat you special". On Tuesday 4/2 you e-mailed me that your information would be given to me "this week" (which meant by Friday 4/5). But you didn't get it to me.

It was so nice to run into you on Saturday (4/6) while I was taking a walk after a quick lunch....and to see you and your brother exiting the subway after a day at the Mets baseball game. Thanks for promising me that you'd gather your info today (Sunday) and have it to me by Monday.

If I tell you that you need to go on extension if you have 100 papers for me to go thru and your sloppy handwriting with all your "expenses" (when I finally see them)...will you again call Marsha, who will call Carol, who will call Charlie, who will call my husband....and complain that I am not nice to you?

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

7 April 2013
Ingo, I do hope they don't get "friend" discount. Altho, watching the Mets should have been punishment enough for them.

Ingo (talk|edits) said:

7 April 2013
I really don't like to do returns for people I have relationships with. TMI. Things I'd rather not know....things I'd rather not be asked to do.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear New Client -

Welcome to our office. You were referred here from your investment advisor. Our normal course of business is having clients come prepared with their tax information in an organized format. It it not our duty to contact your prior preparer to find out if tax estimates were prepared or not, nor call your investment advisor to find out information that you should already have, to contact the IRS PPS to find out if you paid your tax estimates, nor call your daughter to explain things to her that you should comprehend regarding your financial activities. Nor should we be calling town hall to get your real estate tax amounts. And lastly, when any one of us tells you that they'll call another party regarding your situation, you don't check up on us and ask the other person "Did he/she call you yet"?

And just because your investment advisor's assistant went over a list prepared by the prior tax preparer doesn't mean that you have everything you should.

You should have all your financial account information in ready form.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear Client,

Please stop taking tax advice from your idiot friends and then stating it to me as if it were factual.

Here are the facts on filing an extension - It is an extension TO FILE YOUR RETURN, NOT TO PAY THE TAXES. You will have to pay late charges and interest. What you want have to pay is a late filing penalty. If you file an extension and you expect to owe money (in your case, self employment is a dead giveaway), then you are expected to send money.

Since your return was already efiled, WE WILL BE FILING AN AMENDED RETURN (if it's needed). Again, if you don't pay what you owe by the 15th, the IRS will charge interest and late fees.

Also, we MAY have to amend. As I've said. Your credit cards include personal use. I don't care if one of them is in your wife's name. She paid that credit card from your business, so that goes on your book as a DRAW.

Now, I've got a huge headache. I wonder why hubby hid his 9mm.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Talk about karma. Received one of those IRS Tax Tips today. This one was on EXTENSIONS! I forwarded it to the client.

STG (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear Client,

Mentioning that you already filed would have been nice. Can I get a copy of the tax return you swear you didn't file (just running some numbers for yourself, eh) so I can do an amendment for it? And yes, there might be more fees...

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear Client

I don't know anything about filing out those homestead exemption forms. This is the last week of tax season. Just because you think it only takes 15 minutes, doesn't mean it does. If that's all it took, then why do you need to come in for me to fill it out? Plus I know Illinois has a law saying I can't charge for circuit break forms, so they probably have a law including these forms as well.

UGH!

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear Client,

If you want me to help you reduce the tax impact on your hippy dippy years transaction that has now reached into the real world, you really have to help me by providing information that is accurate. Yes you are expected to have records on the cost of improvements to the land you bought 45 years ago. That payment of $45,000 in the escrow account to your past partner/friend/significant other, has to be for some reason other than the fact that you were being nice. BTW, that is a direct quote from you, not my assessment as you indicated in your e-mail. I know you would love to still be connected to that simple world of the 70's when nobody had to think of things like retiring, tax savings, selling property, owning property. But the reality is you have grown up and are now living in a grown up world that requires you to be thinking of all those things. If you want me to help reduce the capital gains taxes, you have to provide me with something to go on. BTW, you will need to provide that same information to anyone else who might attempt to prepare this return whether they have CPA, EA, RTRP or no designation after their name. It's just how the real world works.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

10 April 2013
Dear client,

While I appreciate you not calling every day to check on the status of your return, it is equally as annoying getting an email everyday with you saying hello and asking if there is anything else needed. For, if I don't answer I get another email asking if I got the last one.

Waynecpa (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Dear client,

I recognize we put down $500 for non-cash contributions on your return and after we filed you called and said it was only $168. The thing is that you are not itemizing for federal purposes, only Oregon purposes. If I was to change the amount from $500 to $168, you would owe $3(!) back to the State. I know you are worried about what what happen in case of an audit, but come on! Yes, I will amend the return if you want to at no charge since we should have asked about it, but your 4 phone calls wondering about the matter are starting to make me wonder if I should change my mind on the charging part.

Waynecpa (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Dear client,

I see you bought a 2nd computer for your business last year. Why then are you still bringing a box of receipts in with handwritten notes everywhere. Don't you think there may be some sort of software that came with the computer that could help?

Ingo (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Dear Client-

I know your good friend recommended me, but why are you asking for a discount of me fee? Everyone who comes to me was recommended by someone.

Now, for your tax. Your wife received $61,000 as a stipend, without any withholding. You told me this is fully taxable. Unfortunately you do not have enough to itemize. So, you will be owing a lot of money to the IRS and to GA.

My dear client, I am very glad I told you that new clients need to pay be upfront before I do any work this time of year.

Regards, Ingo your tax preparer

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Call again and ask where your taxes are. Go ahead, call again. I dare ya.

OhioChris (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Dear Client (or husband's first cousin),

Thank you for meeting with me to pick up your final/printed/assembled tax return package. In the future, please let me know prior to my preparing your return, that you purchased and sold real estate. Its much better than sitting at a table and having your husband ask me "so what effect did buying and selling the house have on our taxes this year?" Then, if there are any important details (for example, I sold the house to my son who has a different last name) that may impact the sale of the property...please let me know before I re-do the return to include the sale...only to discover at our next meeting that it is a related party transaction. Oh well, perhaps we don't get together enough over the holidays...so I should really just shut up and enjoy meeting with you four times before I get it right!!

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Kinda makes me glad to be retired.

Rod7896 (talk|edits) said:

11 April 2013
Dear (Potential) Client:

Thanks for giving me a call. I'm glad you realize that it's nearly the last minute.

I'm sorry that H&R Block wants to charge you $350 even after you complained about their fees, and it's so ridiculous that it's so expensive to get your "cut and dried" lawn care and landscaping Schedule C return done with home office, mileage, depreciation, 2 W-2 jobs, 2 states, and a Schedule A.

I'm not overly surprised that you think my quote of $300 is too high. Yes, that is the best I can do. No, I won't go down to $225. In fact, $300 is already a discounted price since you got my number from a friend of mine.

The fact that you insist it's "only going to take 15 minutes" isn't relevant. You're lucky I'm even considering squeezing you in at all.

On second thought, maybe just call the guy across town who charges $100 a return. I don't feel like meeting you on Saturday morning.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

12 April 2013
What's with this "only going to take 15 minutes?". I've been hearing that a lot lately. Heck, if that's all it takes, why are they calling us?

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

12 April 2013
Cathy, had this little old lady complain about my $85 fee for her simple return last year. She made such a fuss while I was explaining about overhead costs and employee costs and I said I was sorry, but I have to eat too. She goes "you're not sorry" and the politeness switch kicked to off mode. I went into full Pee Wee Herman in "Nice Dreams" I'm not sorry mode.

Told her I wasn't sorry and that next <this> year she needs to go somewhere else.

Well, who do you think walks in my door yesterday with her W-2. I asked her how come she didn't go to HR Block this year and she said she wanted to come here. If she wasn't a little old lady, I would have sent her away. I did tell her though, there will be no complaining or whining to my staff this year, and that she will most likely be extended.

She was fine with that.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

12 April 2013
Fred, I have a little old man, just like that (only he can be extremely vulgar, especially when he gripes about the President, the post office, and politics). I, too, charged him $85 lat year. In early February, when he left me a message, he griped about last year's fee for my simple return and wanted to know what he would have to pay for this year. I didn't return his call. I increased all base 1040 forms by $5.00 for 2012. I was trying to use TRX's new application (that I've learned STILL isn't working) and was so stressed out, I had absolutely no patience to deal with his bull.

He's called my business line twice and personal line once since then and has not left any messages (he's the type that you can't call from a cell phone, he writes down all numbers and when he calls you, he goes through all the numbers until he gets an answer, I told him that when I work, I only answer my work number). I'm guessing that other places are quoting him a lot more.

If the dude shows up with his stuff. his fee this year would be $100 (I'm including time spent listening to his rants and complaining).

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

12 April 2013
As well you should. I posted in a previous years dear client about one who was nice, but called constantly. I added an extra $200 to his normally $350 fee and he wanted to know why. I told him, my staff's time and my time costs money. We base our fees on your return, anything additional is extra, and him calling to leave a message and then calling 20 minutes later whether I got that message wastes time and someone has to eat that cost, if it's him causing it, he pays. He's still a client and he stopped the constant calling.

Mhewes (talk|edits) said:

15 April 2013
Dear Client, please stop asking where is your return. You have your return. You are looking for your refund. It's only been one week since it was efiled, please try and be patient.

Joanmcq (talk|edits) said:

16 April 2013
Dear now former client: I'm sorry you went over the return with a fine toothed comb and found a couple of possible errors, as well as a few things that ai didn't tear in the same way as your prior preparer. And I'm sorry that after i took hours reviewing the return and researching an area of code, I simply did not have the time, nor the inclination in my state of exhaustion to complete all the changes and file before the deadline and wanted to put it on extension. And that your wife went onto turbotax last night and did your return and submitted it. But what I sent with the return was not an 'estimated bill'. It was a bill. Yes you owe me for the full thing.

Come to think of it, I should have charged more for all that research. That gave them the numbers to put into turbotax.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

16 April 2013
Dear Clients -

1) I prepared your return a few weeks ago and at that time I told you that since your mother passed away on March 15th, I would have to put her return on extension since you didn't have all that was needed at that time. As I had e-mailed your mother's estate attorney - I needed a legal document specifying who was the legal party to sign the return and act on her behalf - you or your sister. I can't designate on my own - especially since I know for a fact that you and your sister don't get along, and a few years ago I dumped her as a client. It's not my duty or responsibility to contact your mother's estate attorney and ask for what I need, or the attorney or accountant for the estate of a relative of your mom's who needs to send you a K-1 for 2012 as a trust beneficiary, or any other third party simply because your not educated enough to understand these things. In addition - while I told you that your mother's return is on extension - I don't need you calling me three times on April 16th to remind me I need to get it done.

Different Client - 2) I normally receive your son's tax information around the end of February. I know he graduated from college last year and has moved a couple of times in the state where he's employed. Since I don't live or practice in that state - I'm unfamiliar with the governing authorities who impose local county tax forms that are not part of a tax software program where I need to go to the county's website to download the form. The W-2 your son received, under the Local Tax section shows information that's inconsistent with what you've explained to me. Your son's girlfriend's mother - who lives in that state, at your request, called me, and even though she at one time prepared tax returns, was thoroughly confused and couldn't help me. Also - since your son's tax return only involves a W-2 and a brokerage account - and he doesn't itemize deductions, why did you send me his tax stuff the 3rd week of March and expect me to get the local tax return done at the same time?

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

17 April 2013
Dear client,

My assistant had no idea of the amount of time and effort involved with a simple comfort letter.

Yes, I understand the bank is only requesting a few simple things.

What you don't understand is that the bank is looking for someone to sue if you default. What you don't understand is that the banks authorization to release information is useless to me and that you have to sign my form. What you don't understand is that many accountants won't even sign these no matter what you're willing to pay. What you don't understand is that, yes, there is a fee to prepare this, I don't care if everyone else is charging you a fee, I do work, I charge for it. What you don't understand is that it's not a simple quick process. I have to take the time to actually make sure my wording means absolutely nothing and would be meaningless in court. I need to spend 15 minutes on the phone with you explaining why it's not simple and I have to listen to hear how everyone wants money for doing things for you, I have to have my assistant fill out and send you the release authorization and then you call me back and I have to call your banker to discuss this with them. Seriously, they can't take the time to call me. Well, I called and they haven't called back yet. Sorry.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

17 April 2013
Fred, you want to come to Hawaii on vacation? We need a critter sitter for about three weeks. No comfort letters required.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

17 April 2013
Fred, you want to come to Hawaii on vacation? We need a critter sitter for about three weeks. No comfort letters required.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

18 April 2013
If you have a house for me to sit, you let me know and I'll be out there.

Remote access, I can work from anywhere

Tax Writer (talk|edits) said:

18 April 2013
Paula, let me know if Fred changes his mind-- I've been meaning to get back to Hawaii and visit my author-friend Kiana Davenport. I would take you up on that offer in a heartbeat.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

19 April 2013
Sorry, Fred and TW, we enlisted the aid of a neighbor child to do the sitting. She agreed only just yesterday. Maybe next time though. Christmas is usually a time we go to the mainland.

Fsteincpa (talk|edits) said:

19 April 2013
No worries, gf would have dumped me had I gone to Hawaii without her for three weeks. lol

Bracket Creep (talk|edits) said:

19 April 2013
A fair trade-off, in my opinion. There are lots of fish in the sea.

Kevinh5 (talk|edits) said:

19 April 2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvgEqlFIn2o

Tell 'em Charlie/Fred sent you

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

27 April 2013
Dear Non-Client -

You came to me as a referral from another tax pro. You came to me to analyze a prospective contract for sale of assets of your business. Telling me simply that it's an LLC doesn't tell me what tax form is filed. So when you came to my office you showed me the last 1120 that was "self-prepared" by a non-CPA or any licensed preparer as the entire preparer signature block area was blank except to note "self-prepared". Well - in looking at your P. 4 balance sheet, I see that the only asset you had was Cash. No inventory, no fixed assets, no intangible assets, yet you have a contract that you have a closing date for on May 2nd - here it is April 24th. You say that for all these years - you've prepared the Quickbooks bookkeeping and just handed the preparer the Balance Sheet and Profit & Loss statement and it was prepared on that basis.

And no - in a matter of a couple of days, just surviving from tax season - I don't have the availability of time to backtrace your mistakes and reconstruct the books under pressure for over a 6 year time span. Not all assets are given the same depreciation treatment - and besides you'd have to pay me a hefty upfront advance fee before I would even consider it - as you're not my regular client. I suggest you go back to the self-prepared person and have that person correct all the returns so you can get the asset values you want to satisfy you. And oh yeah - there is a Form 8594 that needs to be included on your next tax return - that breaks down the assets by classes, and it's required that both you and the purchaser submit it as part of your next return.

Good luck on your impending sale that you thought you worked out well and only considered the tax ramifications the last week.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

27 April 2013
Dear Non-Client -

You came to me as a referral from another tax pro. You came to me to analyze a prospective contract for sale of assets of your business. Telling me simply that it's an LLC doesn't tell me what tax form is filed. So when you came to my office you showed me the last 1120 that was "self-prepared" by a non-CPA or any licensed preparer as the entire preparer signature block area was blank except to note "self-prepared". Well - in looking at your P. 4 balance sheet, I see that the only asset you had was Cash. No inventory, no fixed assets, no intangible assets, yet you have a contract that you have a closing date for on May 2nd - here it is April 24th. You say that for all these years - you've prepared the Quickbooks bookkeeping and just handed the preparer the Balance Sheet and Profit & Loss statement and it was prepared on that basis.

And no - in a matter of a couple of days, just surviving from tax season - I don't have the availability of time to backtrace your mistakes and reconstruct the books under pressure for over a 6 year time span. Not all assets are given the same depreciation treatment - and besides you'd have to pay me a hefty upfront advance fee before I would even consider it - as you're not my regular client. I suggest you go back to the self-prepared person and have that person correct all the returns so you can get the asset values you want to satisfy you. And oh yeah - there is a Form 8594 that needs to be included on your next tax return - that breaks down the assets by classes, and it's required that both you and the purchaser submit it as part of your next return.

Good luck on your impending sale that you thought you worked out well and only considered the tax ramifications the last week.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

28 April 2013
US, I think this is catching. I have two from 2012. I'm just on my way out the door with a bunch of stuff to take a look at from home. Both of mine are clients, neither wants to hear what needed to be done, one still hasn't signed the final documents but the business continues. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and I'm sure they want it all done for little or no cost.

WilsonCA (talk|edits) said:

29 April 2013
Dear Client,

It has come to my attention that you and your spouse do not get along very well.

Yours truly,

Tax Preparer

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

5 May 2013
Dear Client -

Thank you for coming yesterday to pick up the 2012 tax return that was on extension. I'm always glad to hear good news. However, the IRS notice you received - Letter 707C - informing you that "your account shows an overpayment of $ 9,000" for 2011 does not automatically mean that you're entitled to the money. The IRS COULD HAVE made a mistake in crediting an estimate payment or mistakenly picked up some other item on the tax return. Or you could have made a larger estimated tax payment you didn't tell me about. Watch for a subsequent notice to come that explains why and how the overpayment was calculated. So don't rush to cash the check as yours until you show me the followup notice.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

13 May 2013
Dear Client:

Why didn't I call you back you ask? Well let me count the ways and you chose which is the correct answer:

1. You called on my cell phone.

2. You called on Sunday, not only Sunday, but on Mother's Day Sunday.

3. You were angry and upset because you couldn't open your QB data file.

4. You accused me of having done something to the QB data file that prevented you from opening it.

5. You are angry.

Take your pick, but know this, I never do things to data files that prevent clients from opening them. How stupid would that be?

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

14 May 2013
Dear Client,

YEAH, your employees are off layoff and now payroll is starting. Even though you're new employee used to be a 1099, I cannot just 'take' his 1099 info and put him in payroll. I need his W4. He needs to list his number of exemptions claimed, I can't go by your voice message. Also, one of your other employees called me to change his address. Please have him fill out a W4.

CrowJD (talk|edits) said:

14 May 2013
I want to take this opportunity while I'm here to once again award our Uncle Sam with the "Hard As* Preparer of the Year Award", this time for the 2012 tax season which recently concluded (more or less).

This is the highest award our board can bestow on a preparer. Sam's clear, correct, consistent, and categorical approach to compliance is a marvel to behold. He has reached the mountaintop of no-nonsense tax preparation which the young preparers here should aspire to in their own professional practice. I can truly say that Sam's ever compliant thumb holds back the dike on a veritable ocean of tax deviance that would overwhelm not merely our country, but our entire WORLD during the trying times that we live in.

Please proceed with your posts as normal since I know that IF there are clients, THEN there are irritations attendant on their vey existence. (If A, invariably B).

Gazoo (talk|edits) said:

14 May 2013
I have also nominated Sam for the "Nip it in the Bud Award" from the Fife Foundation, but I won't know whether he's won until November.

AND since I'm not spending my own money, I think TaxWriter should award Sam with a book contract. "The No Bull Tax Office and How to Run One".

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

14 May 2013
Don't go into Sam's kitchen expecting to get soup, it's a privilege to get it. There's some young virgins at my church that I preach that to every day.

Kevinh5 (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
I've met Uncle Sam and his EA wife, and I guarantee they would give you all the food in their house if you were hungry Not just the soup.

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
I have no doubt of it. I was alluding to a certain no nonsense Seinfeld character, but of course that was a business, not the home kitchen. My error.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
The "Soup Nazi".

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
Indeed. A man who knew how to run his business. I've been accused of putting up a brusque front myself, and of course I adhere strictly to the rules promulgated by my employer, but it's just a front to cover up my own overly tender heart, which I have no doubt that our award winner has beating in his own chest as I write this.

Kevinh5 (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
Sam is no Nazi. LOL.

Kevinh5 (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
And I'm much softer in person than online.

Bracket Creep (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
You can get a prescription for that, Kevin.

Kevinh5 (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
LOL, I mean I have a big heart, Bracket. This is all a front. You know, my alter-ego acting out my wildest fantasies as a tough guy.

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
I'm a pussy cat to the poor and needy around the church and it's not unusual for me to be followed around by strays (I mean the homeless), but I insist on a strong moral code. I know where my bread is buttered and I want a retirement check. My regards to Sam and his wife. I only wish we could attach some dollars to our award, but someone ran off with the coffee money around here, and I know Sam would turn down the money anyway.

Uncle Sam (talk|edits) said:

15 May 2013
I never realized I attracted so much attention. I much appreciate it.

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

16 May 2013
Thank you, Sam. ==> A self-effacing man of few words and the type of person Plato had in mind for his philosopher king.

We need to all take a lesson here and stop letting these clients walk all over us like a cheap carpet. If I'm going to be walked upon, I'd at least prefer to be a Persian rug rather than the Dacron (tm) wall-to-wall stuff.

Lovinly (talk|edits) said:

31 May 2013
OMG, You people are a hoot! I just found this site and understand everything you are writing. Thanks for making me feel normal.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

31 May 2013
Lovinly, please complete your profile. After all, if this kind of stuff makes you feel normal, we want to know more about you:-}

Bottom Line (talk|edits) said:

1 June 2013
Dear Client, Calling my cell phone every 5 minutes and filling up my voice mail will not make me answer you any faster. The client I'm with is more important than the client on the phone. It especially ticks me off when I retrieve my messages and all you want is for me to send you a copy of your 2011 1040 because you lost yours. (This is why clients no longer get my cell phone number-I now have an assistant in the office.)

Fr. Mackelhenry (talk|edits) said:

2 June 2013
The client I'm with is more important than the client on the phone.

True that. How many times have I been at a customer service desk in America and I have to wait until the clerk responds to ALL the telephone calls from hungover people too lazy to get to the store to shop while I twiddle my thumbs away in desperate expectation.

Wwechamp (talk|edits) said:

14 June 2013
Dear Married Clients,

Please stop whining, moaning and complaining about how much you owe in taxes every single (expletive) year. I've told your punk asses many times in the past to stop using the filing status "married" on your W4, but you idiots just can't help yourself. It's not my fault that you can throw an extravagant wedding people for yourself by wasting your life savings, but can't fill out the W4 by simply clicking the box "Married, but withhold at higher Single rate" on W4 box 3. And stop asking what else can be done on April 13 when I give you the voucher for a $7,000 balance due. Pay it! Take your beating like a man and go home.

CathysTaxes (talk|edits) said:

14 June 2013
Wwechamp, I feel your pain! For this year, I took it upon myself to prepare Estimated Tax worksheet and W4 worksheet (yes, I charged them for this) for my moaning clients to show them that they need to change it and how much. If they complain next year, I'm gonna let them have it.

Scrivenerjones (talk|edits) said:

3 July 2013
Dear Client,

When I see from your printed-out financial statements that the name of your QuickBooks file is "Personal Register - probably right.QBB", it does not instill in me a great deal of confidence regarding the accuracy of the information contained therein.

Markb29 (talk|edits) said:

19 July 2013
dear client,

thanks for your business.

Podolin (talk|edits) said:

19 July 2013
dear client,

thanks for your business. How novel!

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

15 August 2013
Dear Client,

We have been discussing the need for you to provide cost basis on your home ever since you put it on the market about four years ago. In 2012 you finally sold it, and I still need cost basis unless you wish to pay capital gains on about $250,000. It doesn't matter what "everybody else" is telling you, I'm going to sign the return stating that it is a true and honest statement of your income. It doesn't matter that you feel like you lost a ton of money on the house. It doesn't matter that you don't want to pay another dime out because of that house. If you want me to prepare the return, I need cost basis - do I sound like a broken record yet? And BTW, if you start calling around to get a second opinion from another preparer in town, they are going to need cost basis, too. It's just what you need to do. It would have been a lot easier if you would not have cleaned out the closet and tossed everything out as soon as the house was finished. And when you sell the little house that you built about twenty years ago, you will need to have cost basis for that one, too. It's getting hard to stay nice about it and not get all snarky on the phone.

Actionbsns (talk|edits) said:

15 August 2013
And you know what she's going to do? She'll call around to a couple of people and tweak her questions until she finds someone who will tell her that yes they can prepare a tax return with whatever she has, which is very little. In the meantime, I've had this thing sitting here for months.

BottomLine (talk|edits) said:

20 August 2013
And when it's not done by 10/15, guess who's fault it's going to be?!

Smokeytax (talk|edits) said:

20 August 2013
Actionbsns - sounds like it's time to box up all the documents you have & send them back to the client with your resignation letter & a bill for work done so far, while she still has time to hire someone else by the 10/15 deadline.

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