Discussion:Where is our Deadliest Catch?

When will they feature Tax Professionals doing their dangerous work in the first two weeks of April? Can you imagine seeing Fred pounding down the Tequila while returns come off his printer, as he types double entendre responses to Natalie and Belle? Or Kevin chasing the incompetents out of the Temple? The musical score could be done by Dennis, with his little musical notes?

(for the unwashed, "Deadliest Catch" is a reality show about king crab fisherman in Alaska. It is on the Discovery channel. The show can be quite exciting, but the formula is similar to the true crime shows that were the rage a few years ago: each 12 minutes portion between commercials begins with a recap of what is going on and then moves to new material, with the 30 seconds before commerical breaks setting the viewer up for the next segment)

Who, can we get to play the bad guy (The dreaded IRS).

There are numerous antagonists within the field. The IRS is a given, but then they have their various underling organizations. There will be the CTOBETists, the unwitting IRS lackeys who come in to pester us at every turn. We try to dismiss them, but they keep coming back. There are the "Are my taxes done yet" shrillists. These Shrillists are the ones that call constantly that me to reach for more tequila. Multi camera angles for that shot <literally>.

Then we have the IRS mini-me's. the various state agencies that send us requests that have to be handled immediately. This payroll audit, workers comp. We'd see helpless staff shaking in fear because they must let us know that the caller insists on speaking to us.

And naturally, we need blood and danger, those sissy, panty waisted crab fisherman aint got nothing on us. What, they get splashed with a little cold salt water. Hell, we immerse our faces in that voluntarily on a daily basis just to stay awake.

Here's our version. Dangerous music, UPS shows up, we go to open box, music beats a little quicker, we slide our hands underneath and then it happens. Vicious cardboard box cut. Oh the pain, the agony. We stomp and swear nad the help run for cover. And the fisherwimps, hmmmmph, they are out catching crabs to be eaten by us, we, on the campaign trail are constantly worried about catching crabs that attempt to eat us. Now, that's life <and hot tub> threatening danger. The fisherbabies don't hold a hot wax dripping candle to us.

For the smut portion, there could be a quick camera scans of the various branded virgins waiting patiently in the hot tub holding glasses of JagerBombs and tequila. Sweat running down our brows as we look at return, glance to tub, back to return. What to do what to do. Ah, this client pain in the butt, extension decided and a quick rejuvenating jaunt to the hot tub commences. Camera pans to black, then we see us walking back to desk happy and relaxed ready to tackle next fearsome return.

DT - I think this is a winner. I'm in.

As for antagonists, don't forget the DIY'ers. Or are they in the same camp as the incompetents I am so busy chasing out of the temple?

DIY'ers could be vieing to get into the temple, to be saved by the "Tax Professionals". We would need a panel to vote out the unworthy ones, until the deserving one(s) are remaining.

And a wave breaks on deck.

The Hunt: Explains in detail how to hunt down the elusive missing paperwork, the slow paying client, and the cite to provide to your preparers-in-arms. All needed survival techniques. An aside on how to skin and prepare the dreaded "my friends' told me that......person".

If I am the protagonist of this show (note I did not say 'hero'), the final scene will show me piloting the office up this giant wave a la Captain Billy Tyne.....but alas, George Clooney I am not.

Now - think about those who sailed around the world on the mighty square riggers at the turn of the century and what they had to deal with when rounding Cape Horn with 75-100 foot seas. Just amazing in my mind. Check out the movie "Around Cape Horn" if you want to see what I am referring to.

On the first day of summer, I will be sailing on Stars and Stripes - the 80 foot America's Cup boat that was recently owned by Dennis Conner that he sailed in his last AC races. Quite a difference from square riggers ..... and the ships in deadliest catch.

Hummmm - think I want to go and get me a couple pounds of King Crap legs for dinner and toast summer with a bottle of Chardonnay

And if you ever come east, be sure to tour Mystic Seaport in Mystic CT [very near New London].

The general theme I brought up is the way producers today are finding and filming dangerous occupations that most desk jockeys know little about. In her second year as a feature writer at the Philadelphia Inquirer, a client was sent to do a story on accountants and the crunch of busy season. Having been to my crazy office, she wanted to use it as an example, but her editor said it would be a conflict of interest, so she focused on one office where the professionals got their big kick out of a gum ball machine.

"Critical infections" . . . I got it off of another post right here on TA, Fred. But you do have a point about the bad karma. Right after I posted that comment I had the issue with the blue rectangle on my monitor.