Discussion:I'm excited about my new business, my wife is not

I have been enjoying reading the forum and just joined as a member. I have been preparing taxes and doing bookkeeping for family and friends for a few years now, and decided to start a business on the side. I am hoping to go full time if things go well.

I spent 10 years in public accounting with a "big-4" firm, and currently working in private. While I would never regret the experience so far, I am growing tired of corporate America. I love to help small entrepreneurs who have themselves bucked the trend and gone out to do something for themselves.

I put together a marketing plan with lots of small, low cost (initially) marketing ideas for my target markets. I am also studying for the EA exam and hope to be qualified by the fall. I have had a lot of interest and slowly signing up some small clients.

Overall I am very excited and I have not felt more alive from a career standpoint in many years. However, my wife does not feel the same way! She is a CPA and has a senior position with a government agency. When I pitched my initial idea to her she was interested, but as time has gone along she has become more negative and doesn't understand why I want to leave a good job with a nice office and benefits! I am not planning on quitting my day job any time soon, but if my side business takes off I will need the time to market and develop my practice further. I am at the point where I don't want to include her in my decisions anymore.

I know once I start signing up more clients and having a steady cashflow her attitude will change, but her negativity is really killing me at the moment. Otherwise we have a great marriage and two beautiful kids.

I always thought that my biggest problem would be marketing and developing the business, not having to deal with my wife busting my butt from the beginning!

I would be interested to hear from any folks that made the transition and how they dealt with it. Thanks for listening.

Pete

Tell her that if you ever hire a secretary, she will not be some young vixen.

(Then, of course, turn around and hire a young vixen. Now, if you know you're wife is coming by, send over to the nursing home for a granny who needs to make some spare change, and get her to fill in on an afternoon).

In all seriousness, I would tell you what I tell anyone going into business: imagine what it will be like when you hit 45.

Now, you may already be over 45.

However, just in case you are younger, you should know that health insurance and disability insurance go up at 45. A lot. And, that's IF you can get it at all.

You can probably keep insurance through your wife. Nevertheless, if the men in your family tree have "bad genes", your future health and the cost of healthcare must be taken into account.

So, I can't totally disagree with your wife about those benefits. (I'm holding my breath for healtcare reform, but somehow, I get the feeling that it's not going to be what I had hoped for, even if it passes).

As for the secretary point, if I can ever afford a secretary it will be a happy day!

Pete

Regarding your wife's support, affording a secretary, etc... my wife essentially kicked me and all my client files out of the house after the first 12 months or so. Wasn't keenly enthusiastic about my decision to go out on my own, much less the client paperwork that spread throughout her closets, living room, garage, etc. So I rented a small 1 room office about a mile away from home. Fast forward two years. Office has expanded to 3 rooms, plus reception area. And guess who now handles the reception/front office duties... and quite enthusiastically, I might add? Bottom line, she'll come around.

Worth every penny of it, except that every once in a while, something will launch off my desk and fly into orbit.

No sir, the wife and business don't mix, at least the way I run my office.

If I am entertaining some young filly over a provision of the tax code, or breaking in a new sofa with some lady, the last thing I want is for the wife to walk in on me.

Well, I can't teach you boys nothing. You've taken all the sport out of business, and us old-timers can't teach a young buck the old tricks.

You didn't say how long you have been married, I myself have been married for almost 17 years now. There's one thing I have learned about women is that they are risk averse. Just don't talk much about going it on your own and just tell her you are shoring up your foundation so that if the inevitable happens you guys will be okay. Accountants are among the first fired when mergers happen so just tell her you are hedging. Then, one day, when you feel you can go it on your own and make it financially just come home from work and tell her you were laid off. Never mind the going away party gifts you brought home with you--just tell her they must have been planning it for some time and felt bad about having to do it! :D

Michael

There's always a new one opening up somewhere, and you can get a stack of coupons.

For years, I wondered, why are most of these male chiropractors good-looking, tall, handsome and all that? Well, I finally figured it out after looking at their instruments in a trade magazine!

Four or five kinds of vibrators, some tools that would not be allowed in the Church, hot towels, massage beds, not to mention the talented hands of the good doctor.

So, hopefully this will help some of the other fellers here get the wife out of their hair if they get them over to the chiropractor.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

That is exactly what I did, keep your full time job and if and when the side business grows to point when you cant do both, that's a good sign. It also doesn't mean you have to quit your main job.

What i did when my side business grew was ask my main job if they were interested in keeping me on for 2-3 days a week while I continued to grow my practice.

Good luck.

Also consider doing "hourly work" for clients of your former Big 4 firm. They , I am sure, have clients that need help before the audit begins. If you bill at say $75 an hour off season, that is decent revenue.

When I lived and practiced in NYC, the competition was pretty stiff, fees were competitive as well so this type of sub contract from big firms works well.

Wks and Southpark: I like the ideas; every bit helps in today's economy. Being in NYC, I am trying to differentiate myself rather than compete on fees. There are a lot of "cheap" accountants in NYC but you only get what you pay for. Of course the "quality" clients are much harder to come by!

Pete

Two decades of personal and professional experience taught me that. A wife will put up with a LOT, much more, maybe, than she should, but the one thing she WON'T put up with (unless she's actually abused) is leaving your job without a new job to go to and it had better pay more.

I finally arrived at the conclusion that this is the fundamental reason that so many ugly middle aged men seem to be able to accumulate cute young wives. So long as the toad has a good, stable job, she can live with it.

The last time I looked, it was the Rooster that ruled the roost, and not the hens. If these younger boys around here would spend time on the farm like we used to, they might learn a few things.

My wife complained about transportation. I got her a donkey cart, a burro, and a used copy of the poem "Patero y Yo," by Juan Ramon Jimenez.

My idea was that she would ride around town in her cart, read poetry and improve herself.

It was not to be. I caught her in the cart riding hell for leather through the backroads of our county, reading the National Inquirer, sipping a Nehi grape drink, and stuffing her mouth with Moonpies and Cheetos!

Women are to men as governors are to go-carts!

Yes, they can be quite annoying at times but they often save us from ourselves. Sometimes it is best to listen to them and other times it is best not to.

Confused-yous 2009 (no that's not to be mistaken for Cunfucius, I am starting an all white rap group in case my other careers don't work out! :D )

Michael

Thinking back to the OP, you could always do just like I did when I told the little misses that I wanted to get a new Corvette (I had to sell my beautiful 1962 convertible, roman red baby to buy my old lady a house).

I mentioned my desire and my plan....

She told me that she hoped my new wife likes Corvettes....

I quickly snapped back (with a coy smile on my face)----Oh don't worry, she DOES! :D

Women you have to love them but a good one's price is truly far above Rubies or Diamonds.

Michael

I quit a job before I had a new one (my first job at an accounting firm). Got a new job in an accounting department in a mid-sized company...got pregnant, left the company about a year after hired. Took a 6 month sabbatical from work to enjoy my newborn little boy...and then money was dwindling (I live in northern Virginia...my husband did not make enough money for me to stay home from work) and I did not want to go back to work...so the next option was to run an accounting business.

Lots of risk, and from a woman!!

My new idea now, which may make all your mouths drop, is to expand enough to have my husband quit his job and come work for the "family business."

Or perhaps, I should get myself some hot "young" male administrative assistant when money is flowing like wine. =)

Post more, we need more estrogen around this place. The testosterone is getting stale! :D

I don't know about the others but I am willing to be a kept man--and I can do tax and Accounting work. I enjoy travel and fine dining and culture. Ditch that husband who cannot add 2+2 and hire me on as your Admin Assistant. :D

Obviously not all women fall into our generalizations...there are a couple where I work full-time that have larger Adam's apples than I do and aren't risk averse. There is this crazy redhead (redundant I know) who I would be afraid to fight....kind of like Kelly Peston's caracter in Jerry McGuire except not pretty, or in shape, or not nearly as nice.

Sounds like you have a good plan, best of luck with it. Post here more often, there are a lot of GREAT people here who are more than willing to help.

Michael

I have seen your postings more frequently lately, and see that you are kinda in the same boat as me with taking the SEE exams. My husband will NOT be performing the administrative duties...he actually has some accounting skills and marketing skills. (I must protect his manhood and all!)

I fall way short when it comes to marketing...but once I become an EA I will be pushing the marketing side more and get my husband out of his crappy job. The plan is to get him out of there within a year...IT WILL BE DONE!

The reason I don't post much is I don't feel I have much to add. I am only 25, so my experience is rather limited compared to those posters on here that intimidate me.

Anyway--thats another thread...

Okay, I guess my dreams of being a kept man will have to wait.

I am in a holding pattern while I complete the EA exam in Sept/Oct. I have two kids, one wife, one dog, a full time plus job, and this side business so I don't have the time--honestly speaking--for any new clients or marketing while I study. This coming season will be my third doing taxes as an official business. I am looking to expand a little and raise some rates when the EA is on board. My current clients are revolting somewhat when I do crazy stuff like refuse to answer their questions and do their work for free. So given that my time is limited for what I can bill for, I would rather bill EA rates.

Don't be intimidated, get in here and post....I try to pick my posts but occasionally screw something up and get beat down really badly by the heavies. But even in that there is learning and occasionally I am right and able to help. So post away.

Michael

I've been running a business for over 25 years and I have nerves of steel - my husband (a software developer) is the risk-averse employee in the family. My sister is also an entrepreneur, and her husband is a corporate manager who also doesn't "get it" about the rewards of being in business.

These are the things that women business owners understand just as "good" as the men do:

-- No one will pay you as much as you pay yourself.

-- There is no glass ceiling when you own the business.

-- There is no reward without risk and hard work.

-- You will not succeed in the 21st century if you don't advance past the Neanderthal Age (special message for some of the guys posting above).

A special note for sjp - I was about your age when I started in business, and I've raised two daughters who grew up knowing that women are natural entrepreneurs. Balancing work and home is doubly hard when it's your own business, so it's important to set ground rules with your clients so they don't overrun your life. And have fun!

I want to make one thing perfectly clear (as Richard Nixon used to say): it's not women I'm against, it's my wife!

"Timid" and "insecure" are not words that ANY of these women would recognize except possibly as applied to me. (grin)

Of the wives, two were/are lawyers. Of the daughters, one.

The two lawyers I work with are both young women. There is a striking lack of timidity and insecurity in my office.

NEVERTHELESS, I still maintain that the one thing that will destroy a marriage quicker than anything is for the husband to be a source of financial insecurity.

You can never rest these days. The Plan "B" can't be allowed to gather dust in the file cabinet. And I must say that the trends (outsourcing, etc.) favor even less stability in the future.

So, I guess we can anticipate a growth industry in marriage counselors and therapists in general.

P.S. The "WIFE" I use here is only for comic effect, which I think some of you probably realize.

Please excuse me now. I need to take a break and test out the sofa with my administrative assistant.

You gotta relax and realize that much of what we were talking about above is tongue and cheek.

As for my comments, they were specifically talking about wives, not female business owners. I personally know female business owners who are just aggressive as any man I ever met but personally very much risk averse in their relationship.

I think you are taking some of the comments above, which are clearly overly generalized, a wee bit too seriously...at least as it relates to my comments. Women business owners get nothing but respect in this business...in fact, it is rare that when I have a male business owner that I ever deal with him. I generally deal with the wives and am universally loved by them, so no demeaning going on.

I can only relate my personal experiences and that of my friends and colleagues. Just because a man says that a woman is conservative or risk averse is no reason to take it as an insult and call us neanderthals because you have examples otherwise. By the way, you might want to check out the growing body of Psychology that supports what we say: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6V8H-4N0X5KC-6&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_searchStrId=943266470&_rerunOrigin=google&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=dc79b8bc077852c699878cfc48c4d27b is just one example.

Averse is not a four letter word. At least from my perspective none of what I said was meant to be insulting in any way at all.

Michael

Since I started the thread back in May I have signed up a couple of clients and her whole attitude has changed... she just needed to see my plan in action.

For the record, my comments weren't SUPPOSED to be a negative thing, I consider my wife's aversion to risk a great compliment to my do now, think later style. Nothing negative meant.

Michael